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Showing Up for One Another

Published April 6, 2015 by katiekieffer

We show up for one another, whether we consciously want to or not.

We show up when called, and others show up for us when we call out.

Those moments when you wonder how you ended up there?

Yeah, those. You showed up – and so did others.

Whether we realize it or not, we show up to meet the subconscious cravings of others, and others do so for us. We do so within our own vibration, meaning that our own subconscious programs are complimentary to those we show up for. As we transform and change the subconscious programs, re-route neuropathways and re-train the cells of our bodies, how and when we show up for others changes. It is interesting though that the “old programs” we may think are gone can show up sometimes. This simply means there is something deeper asking to be seen and transformed.

My husband’s birthday was last month. He had a good day, I made him pot roast that he’d been wanting for a couple of weeks and we had an amazing cake from a local bakery, he received cards from his mother and brother, he had a good day at work. All in all, a good day.

Sean's Cake from Delicious Bakery ~ YUM!

Photo Credit: Olivia Rose Kieffer

We retreated to private space for our connection talk while the children played and burned off that cake. Apparently the cards triggered him deeply. He felt sadness. These relationships he has with his mother and brother aren’t exactly healthy, they’re actually closer to non-existent. He wants very much to feel, and be connected with them in healthy relationships. We have been learning, he and I, how to have a healthy relationship as truthfully neither of us had healthy relationships modeled for us. He grew up in an illusion of healthy familial relationships, while I grew up in out-and-out dysfunctional, abusive familial relationships.

My husband was bullied most of his childhood. He was an easy target being small in stature and always the “new kid”. He was rather sickly as a young child, having pneumonia several times. Most of his life he has felt beat up. The bullying continued in his mind well into adulthood, being beat up became a subconscious program. This is a man who is an amazing human being. This gentle, loving soul over time developed layers of protection from what he was programmed to see as meanness of the outside world. Heightened senses created physical responses to perceived and sometimes real threats manifesting as hyperawareness of environment, anxiety and panic attacks. Fear ruled him most of his life.

So, we’re in our private space for conversation, and it’s going well. I share a bit of challenges I have been seeing in the ThetaHealing® practice I am endeavoring to create, and he shares his sadness about his family.

Somehow the conversation turns into old programs playing for both of us. His program of being beat up; my program of wanting others to see things my way and agree so I can be justified in my fears.

Truly, I have no idea now how the conversation got there, though I’m sure my husband could tell you. I didn’t realize it until after the fact. The conversation had turned from reminiscing about how family behaved early in our marriage, the reasons he has almost non-existent relationships with his mother and brother to “I have to buy supplies for projects when we have the available cash, even if I’m not ready to start the project yet” and my view of “wait till you need it then buy it because if it’s the wrong part, it doesn’t work or something changes we can return it for a refund”. Quite a lot of my programming here is around money, and so is his. While we’ve done a lot of healing and changing, sometimes we see programs re-emerge.

Photo by Katie Kieffer

Stopped running. She needed an adjustment and was purring again within about a half hour. Yep, he’s awesome! 🙂

**Aside: He has been working on getting our ’73 VW Beetle running for over a year, and she’s finally on the road. She needs some tweaking to run better, but she’s doing pretty good! Most parts for these are aftermarket, and of rather shoddy quality, resulting in “buy it and hope it works”. If it doesn’t work, mix and match, modify, whatever needs done to get it to work. This has been taking up a huge amount of brain space for him and a large part of conversations.

Back to our conversation, it was very good until the old programs started playing, then it strained a bit. I had no intention of making him feel beat up, but that’s what happened. Or did I? I had no conscious intention of “beating him up”. Enter the idea of subconscious programs playing. He was feeling sad about his family relationships. His program is of being beat up.

My program is of wanting to have my views validated, for others to accept their responsibility. In essence, “take responsibility for your own choices and quit bellyachin’”. Ok, to an extent there is a healthy boundary in there, however it’s been hidden amongst fear and feelings of inadequacy. These are things we’ve worked on, and it’s evident because we don’t see them much anymore. We can see how much we’ve grown and changed, the examples here used to be daily things, along with hashing over all that is wrong in the world. Apparently some of the old programs are still hiding out, likely attached to something else wanting and needing healing – else this conversation could not have gone as it did.

So the question is then: Did I show up for him? Did I show up and meet his subconscious craving to feel beat up? Or did I for some reason go into “I need to be defensive and validated” and he showed up for me? Earlier in the conversation about my healing practice, I got triggered around money programs, and it falls right into this. He showed up to trigger me – showing me a subconscious program, a craving for that defensiveness, showing me that while I’ve come a long way in healing, there is still more to do. I showed up for him, leaving him feeling beat up. I never did feel validated, only defensive. However, both of us did see the programs playing – and that above all is what I feel is important!

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Subconscious beliefs held on 4 levels: Core, Genetic, History and Soul

This, my friend, is an example of subtle, yet very direct manifestations of our subconscious programs. These programs developed over time. Neglect, abuse genetic memory passed down, these all gave us each a feeling of being diminished. The bullies my husband encountered were deliberate in their actions, while the other aspects that promoted these programs innocuous. Those encouraging these programs likely had no idea of what they were doing or that this would be the result of their words and behaviour. The same is true for my own coming up. Many parents of our day practiced a combination of positive reinforcement and punishment to modify their children’s behaviour. For centuries we’ve been programmed to see the negative over the positive, and many parented that way. It’s what they knew. How many times can you recall being punished, and while you knew the words of it, had no real understanding of why on Earth you were in trouble? Often parents think they’re being “crystal clear”, when they’re actually being about as clear as mud. This is also true for many adult-to-adult interactions, because people can communicate so differently.

What I find most interesting is that often neglect and abuse go unnoticed until they reach the most severe forms. Sarcasm is regarded as funny, yet to small children who understand their world very literally, this can easily be received as verbal, psychological and emotional abuse because using sarcasm with children can leave them feeling confused and not knowing what to do – then get in trouble when a parent thinks they’ve been “clear”. Being present physically yet being entirely disconnected and emotionally absent is received as neglect. Most of us on the planet have received some kind of emotional and psychological abuse – intentional or not.

The idea of “Peaceful Parenting”, “Parenting for Wholeness”, “Attachment Parenting” and other ways of “Conscious Parenting” is relatively new in mass consciousness. That means that unless you’re about 15 years old or younger, you’ve likely been raise with parents who simply repeated what their parents did, at least in your (and their) younger years, even if they consciously made efforts to behave differently. Some of those programs played through. They are learning to be gentle, kind and free of using negative motivation. This is a process.

There was little or no widely taught understanding of the development of a child’s brain until the information began to flood the internet. Before this awakening, many parents had no idea they needed to shift how they spoke to and dealt with their children to facilitate positive growth, self-confidence and self-trust. They had no idea that the subconscious mind is so literal and so deaf to words of negation. “Don’t touch that!” sounds like “Touch that” to the subconscious mind; “I have told you over and over how to do that. You know how to do this, so why didn’t you do it right” comes over as belittling, diminishing who they are and their capabilities. When we begin approaching situations like this with the understanding that they may indeed need to be shown again how to do something when they go through a brain maturation period, we can keep their self-worth, self-confidence and self-trust more in tact. They also learn that their parents are trustworthy and safe. *Note, I speak to myself here as well. I am learning how to communicate with my children more kindly and lovingly…and some days it just isn’t so great. More often than not, our days are very good 🙂

Ninjas

Ninjas 🙂

Can you recall a time you got into trouble and were confused as to why? This might be the base reason for it, at the time, your brain could not process the message your parent was giving you, or expected you to remember. It is highly likely they had the same kinds of experiences as children.

My husband and I both absorbed the messages of our parents, messages they never intended for us to receive. We all do. They taught us to distrust ourselves, that someone else has a better answer, that what they defined as socially acceptable is how we were supposed to behave, or rebel against. Both of my husband’s parents were more of the conformist type, though they made some rebellious choices. My parents are rebels to the enth, which has it’s benefits. They simply didn’t have the tools to be healthy about it.

All of these experiences culminate in experiences we have, how we see the world, how we see other people, how we react or respond to situations and in conversations. While my husband and I did feel as we felt at the end of the conversation, we handled it far differently than we would have a couple years ago. Two years ago, this would well have been an all-out fight. I would have stewed around for days, he would have been waiting for an explosion – and he would have gotten it too. Now, we recognize the programs for what they are, we’re kinder and gentler with one another and ourselves. We are healing, individually and as a couple.

I am grateful for the raising of consciousness. I am grateful for those who began to understand the subconscious mind and the brain development of children. I am grateful for the awareness and knowledge of the subconscious mind. Without this information, and the information of “you create your life”, I would be a mental case. I would be as crazy as my family seems to be. Yet here we are, changing, growing, thriving, and loving. My parents aren’t exactly into the kind of energy work I do – yet they are experiencing subtle changes as I experience major shifts. It is all beneficial. The ripple effect is apparent.

How I see the world has changed. How I see my family has changed. I understand the abuse my parents went through, and the abuse their parents went through. I can only imagine how it goes on back through the generations. Having the awareness and understanding that I have gained in the last decade allows me to interact with my parents better than I ever could without it. I don’t see the “crazy” anymore. I see heartache, grief, loneliness, confusion and pain. I do what I can, meeting them where they are, hoping bring some awareness, forgiveness and some peace.

Rings AtIL E-Book Sabotage Uncovered!

Our wedding rings.

I am grateful to have embarked on this path of transformation. I am grateful my husband told me I was crazy and needed help, prompting me to find my first psychologist. I am grateful for our local woo-woo shop that introduced me to energy work and gave me words for things I already knew. I am grateful to the woman who stopped at my table at the farmer’s market and told me I needed to be in her class, she is now my teacher. I am grateful to see things as they are, with fewer triggers and less judgement. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable to look at myself, though I lean into it to promote growth. Sometimes I know I am stuck yet can’t see what it is, and when I work with another ThetaHealing practitioner, they pin point it. This helps me allow my Divine Spark to shine a bit brighter. When I heal, my family heals. When my Divine Spark shines brighter, it beckons theirs to shine brighter.

Are you recognizing how particular events or repeated phrases or ways of speaking have affected you? Do you see the patterns in your own life and behaviour, whether healthy or unhealthy?

Recognizing and changing programs facilitates profound changes for you, and those around you. What if you could step back and see the programs as an observer, free of getting caught up in the story and drama? What if you can allow yourself the space to allow your story to exist free from needing it to define, and/or limit who you are? You can be grateful for those experiences and use them to propel forward into excellent well-being, yet be unattached to them.

When in a situation where you ask yourself “How did I get caught up in this crap?”, what if you recognized that you showed up for someone? What if you investigated your own programs that called out for attention? What if you can actually change them? Well, you can. You really can. That power is indeed yours.

May you be blessed with healing, joy and love in your life

Wherever you are, whatever you have done or has been done to you, it is never too late to walk a path of compassion, forgiveness and transformation – for yourself and for others.

It is your Divine Birthright.

Claim Your Power

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